Re-writing the Bible – You’re Blessed

Every so often, I feel compelled to re-write sections of the Bible to more accurately guide the desires of the average reader of today.  Much of the old language appears to be confusing, misleading, and even offensive to many.  Certainly, as the inspired word from a loving God, that was never the intent of the original text.  God, in His love for His creation, must surely have longed to give us “the desires of our hearts” (Psalm 37:4).  So I have occasionally taken it upon myself to edit areas and make it more palatable and applicable for modern readers.  Whether you regularly find yourself in the corporate world, the church environment, or simply on community play-dates with the kids, these altered words will put your mind at ease and allow you to focus on your hearts’ true direction.  I hope you will find peace in these timeless truths…

The NTICSB Version :^J - Tracy Holley

Matthew 5:1-12

You’re Blessed

1-2 When the young corporate executive saw his rhetorical propaganda drawing huge crowds, he climbed to the roof of his high-rise office building.  Those who were learning from him, whose ears were being tickled by him, climbed with him.  Arriving at the roof-top, he stood high and taught his underlings.  This is what he said:

3 You’re blessed when you are at the top of your game.  With greater success, greater income and greater position, you are closer to becoming your own god.

4 You’re blessed when you feel that you have everything under control.  Only then can you display confidence and be embraced by your peers.

5 You’re blessed when you’re discontent with your place in life and driven to become more, earn more, and save more.  The poor you will always have because they are lazy, but leave them in your dust.  That’s the moment you’ve found yourself to be an American.  Long live capitalism!

6 You’re blessed when you have worked up a giant appetite for great food and spirited drink; due the best meal you’ve ever eaten.  After all, you deserve it.

7 You’re blessed when you can fully take care of yourself; when those around you need what only you can supply.  That’s the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want.

8 You’re blessed when you find your own “religion”; that pomp and circumstance that makes others look up to you and respect you.  Your place is with the famous, those you aspire to be.  Being idolized fills your heart with joy.

9 You’re blessed when you run the rat race and finish at the front of the pack, even if you have to knock over and step on the weaker ones in the way.  That’s when you discover who you really are, a winner.

10 You’re blessed when your success earns you the accolades of the world.  You have worked hard for it.  You deserve it more than anyone else, especially more than those lazy people who never try. 

11-12 Not only that -- count yourself blessed when you win awards, medals, trophies, and honorary degrees for the great things you have accomplished.  Many people will want to be your friend because you are so successful, powerful and wealthy.  Know you are in the good company of those who have the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Peace be with you!